Coercive Control

I am tackling this one head on. Coercive control can be sneaky you don't always see it coming but it chips away at your life, independence, your finances and your self-esteem until you start questioning yourself.

You lose your spark, your independence, always walking on thin ice or having to ask for permission for simple things. Your life is no longer yours instead something that is created for the purposes of control. You become a puppet in your own life, knowing something is wrong, feeling stuck, depressed and on autopilot. You no longer have confidence and instead are constantly seeking reassurance, answers, guidance from others, you have become vulnerable and dependent- which was the plan all along.

Until one day if your lucky, you wake up and decide you want more, more fun, more life, more hope, more of everything and you deserve a life you love living. Then the what if's kick in. What if your not too much, what if you are being realistic, what if you do matter? What if you are actually fucking amazing human? and you decide to go after that.

Most people won't believe you, friends, family, lawyers, dentists, doctors, schools, even the ones you thought had your back. They won't often support your decisions to leave these types of environments, they won't want to hear about DV or divorce or hard stuff or necessarily like the new you, but deep down you need to trust in yourself and create your own trajectory even if this is solo. All the things and people who no longer align will fall away creating space for a new life. Coming out of coercive control environments is not for the faint hearted, but with trust, support (from the right people) and a determination to discover yourself again and you can have that life you want on your terms and it's worth it.

Just imagine showing our kids this type of strength and determination? Teaching them resillience, self respect, boundaries and that at any moment we can reclaim our spark and create a new life. Im not saying it is an easy journey, you will get hurt, you will get scared, you will get rejected and fail and feel alone. Heal, rest, recover, forgive yourself, love yourself, dust yourself off and keep going.

Regardless of who believes me and my experiences, I will be a warrior for change when it comes to drawing attention to and overcoming coercive control. It exists in all types of relationships, situations and even workplaces and often we don't even know it's happening, we just know something doesn't feel right. BUT... you are not alone and together we are strength in numbers and a louder voice. I commit to continue to advocate for change.***

***Please note that there are a number of great services and organisations that can support you including a lifesaver for me 1800RESPECT. Reach out if you need support.

Together we've got this!